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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26747326">They Used to Carve Turnips</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/ImaniJoain/pseuds/ImaniJoain'>ImaniJoain</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Avengers (Marvel Movies)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 11:41:56</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,327</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26747326</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/ImaniJoain/pseuds/ImaniJoain</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>More Halloween shennanigans. Because it is fall, dammit.</p>
<p>Takes place 10/31/2017, simultaneous with Spooky Cold Medina.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Brunnhilde | Valkyrie &amp; Hulk (Marvel), Clint Barton &amp; Wanda Maximoff, Jane Foster/Thor, Wanda Maximoff/Vision</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>9</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>They Used to Carve Turnips</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>October 31, 2017</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“So it is a system of extortion.”</p>
<p>Wanda did not know how to respond to that question, and, frankly – as the Americans would say, Valkyrie scared her a little bit. And not only in how Wanda had to keep her power under a tight lid because if she even brushed up against Valkyrie’s mind she would want to curl up on the floor and sob. Valkyrie was also impressively scary. Wanda might want to be her when she grew up. With less alcohol. God help the puny human that stood between that Asgardian and strong drink. God help Loki if he stood anywhere near her, any time.</p>
<p>“No,” Jane replied, up to her elbow in carved pumpkin. “Well, yes, I suppose that is technically true. Huh. I wonder what the monetary value of damage versus candy comes down to. I’m sure if I...” Jane wandered off, dripping unappetizingly gloppy seeds behind her as she searched for a pen. Thankfully, Thor took over before Wanda would have to put her fingers anywhere near uncooked gourd.</p>
<p>“As the Lady Darcy described it to me, this is a social construct in which all parties are aware that no trick is expected, and would, in fact, be frowned upon most readily. And treats are given freely. It originated as a ritual to ward off evil spirits, but since the modern era of humans it has become merely a celebration of the changing of seasons and of the bonds of community.”</p>
<p>“And sugar,” Wanda added, just so that Valkyrie didn’t get the wrong idea.</p>
<p>“Verily,” Thor acknowledged easily. “Did my Jane prepare a candle or other lighting device that we may use for our décor?”</p>
<p>Wanda pointed out the LED lights and Thor got them arranged fairly quickly. With Valkyrie’s help, they had the front door of Jane’s house as festive as any made-for-television Halloween movie, including a line of smaller pumpkins and string lights that led around to the shore and the party that had been set up on the beach. The party had been planned for months, and then hastily expanded to include the new arrivals. Everyone had agreed that given the military presence on the front door of the upstate facility and the international interest in Thor’s return that it would be best to keep Halloween celebrations restricted to the base. Tony had funded an equally outrageous party at the school gym in town, so hopefully the little community would once again forgive the turmoil caused by their Avenging neighbors.</p>
<p>Natasha had offered to take the first shift handing out candy, and she showed up with Loki in tow. He did not appear excited about the prospect at all, and Wanda took that as her cue to take Valkyrie out back.</p>
<p>Jane’s deck had been made over into a sort of host station with tables of glow-in-the-dark jewelry and a check list with the names of all the children who lived on base, or had parents who worked on base. Not that the list was necessary with Natasha greeting everyone before they would come back, but Vision had enjoyed making the list and organizing the table so Wanda and Jane hadn’t had the heart to tell him it wasn’t essential that he man it. Wanda smiled at him as she passed, letting her fingertips brush against his back and feeling the solid presence of him in her mind. He had been looking forward to the party all week.</p>
<p>“These physical trials are not challenging for Aesir. Do humans find them so?”</p>
<p>Wanda followed Valkyrie’s nod to a pool filled with apples and a group of Aesir children raptly listing to Peter Parker and Photon explain how pin the arm on the skeleton was supposed to work. “Er, not really. Well, younger children do. For older kids and adults it is more of an excuse to be silly, I think.”</p>
<p>“You do not know?”</p>
<p>“We did not do all of...this...in my home country. Actually, I never-”</p>
<p>Clint Barton materialized at Wanda’s side, causing Valkyrie to grip her weapon. Wanda had sensed his presence, but the sudden low voice in her ear still had her tensing as if for battle.</p>
<p>“We may have a slight problem.”</p>
<p>“My English is not always so good,” she replied, trying not to smile. “Slight, as in you need to call in the favor I owe you, or slight as in Lila finally figured out how to work the portal and we need to make a quick trip to visit Norway?”</p>
<p>“Who is Norway?” Valkyrie reached for a carrot stick and crunched tentatively, then picked up a handful. “Does she also celebrate this Weeny Hollow?”</p>
<p>“Lila has been trying to use the portal?” Clint grabbed Wanda’s arm and pushed his face in uncomfortably close to hers. His breath smelled like pumpkin spice coffee and chocolate peanut butter cups. Wanda hoped there were still some left. And also that he had some gum with him. “You have to tell me if she has, because I am an old man, Witchy-woman and I can’t-”</p>
<p>“What is the slight problem, Clint?”</p>
<p>He heaved out a sigh and began dragging her down the beach, out of the lit party area. Valkyrie followed, munching loudly on carrots. As they approached the line of trees where it met water, Wanda sent a bit of her power into the air to circle their heads and provide some light. Something rustled. Valkyrie crouched, axes appearing in each of her hands. The carrots were not in evidence. Wanda tensed, more magic flowing to her hands as she readied for combat.</p>
<p>“Settle down, ladies,” Clint murmured. “Don’t think that will be necessary. I hope.” He raised his voice, keeping it calm and light as if he was talking to Nathaniel. “Hey, there. I brought Valkyrie and Wanda with me. We’re coming in, okay?”</p>
<p>Wanda followed Clint’s lead, Valkyrie bringing up the rear as they pushed through the undergrowth to reach a wide patch of sand illuminated only by the partially clouded moon and Wanda’s red swirl of power. A huge figure, draped in black, hunched away from them. A deep, bass groan that sounded like the death rattle of a truck engine shook a few dried leaves from the surrounding trees.</p>
<p>“Hulk?” Valkyrie stepped forward, placing one hand on the slab of back. As soon as she said his name, Wanda reached out with her power and identified the chaotic, tumbling presence of Hulk. He seemed more subdued than usual. Wanda wondered if he was injured. That certainly would not bode well for the party.</p>
<p>“Hey, buddy,” Clint said softly. “How you doing?”</p>
<p>One massive green fist slammed into the ground a few feet from where Wanda stood. Slowly, Hulk turned, leaning his weight heavily on his arm. Despite the absolutely miserable expression on his face, Wanda had to bite her lip to keep from laughing. Someone, possibly Hulk himself given the poor technique, had painted his face white. His hair was gelled into a point between his eyes and red droplets had been drawn at the corners of his mouth. He might have made a frightening vampire, if not for the smears of chocolate on his chin and chest and the unbelievable pile of empty wrappers in his lap.</p>
<p>“<em>Yakoho bisa</em>,” she murmured, “he must have eaten fifty pounds of candy.”</p>
<p>“Seventy-two,” Clint said without moving his lips. “I had Friday check the inventory.”</p>
<p>“Hawk-guy,” Hulk rumbled, “Hulk feel bad.”</p>
<p>Wanda had only a second to construct a shield before seventy-two pounds of Hulk vomit spewed out.</p>
<p>She stared at Clint, wide-eyed and trying desperately not to breath while thick, chocolatey-brown paste slid down her shimmering red barrier.</p>
<p>“Do not concern yourself, Hulk,” Valkyrie could be heard soothing somewhere outside the puke radius. “This happens to me all the time.”</p>
<p>“Happy H-” Clint started. Wanda pointed one glowing finger in his face.</p>
<p>“Don’t say it.”</p>
<p>
  <em>* Yakoho bisa – What the hell</em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I'm BAAA-ACK!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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